introductions; self-interrogation; watch this space

A Real Long Time Ago, I tried my hand at blogging. Results were…mixed? I produced a limited number of accidental bloated essays, sailing the seas of Questionable Pretentiousness as all recovering English majors maybe must.  That’s over here. I had the most fun when I was bitching and moaning about books I was reading, so now Blog Attempt #2 has been devoted entirely to that pursuit.

Curses!! Books!!! is a credential-free, bias-drenched space. It will contain an awful lot of complaint mixed with (hopefully) an equal amount of enthusiastic praise. The unifying theme from post to post will be along the very specific lines of “HEY I READ THING” ; this theme may be explored with Legit Critique sometimes but, uh, I wouldn’t count on it.

I read a lot of books and I have feelings about books. You are probably a member of my species! Do you have a book that you have a lot of feelings about? Should I read it? I will, even if it’s terrible.

Emily, what are you doing?
How did you know my name was Emily? 

I’m you. You’re interrogating yourself like a loser.
Oh, okay.  What do you want?

Why does this exist?
Because I deliver Opinionated Soliloquies about books out loud all the time anyway, so I might as well translate it into text and save my friends from listening to me babble. Alas, many flailing gestures and high-pitched shrieks will be lost in the process, but I will do what I can with italics and irresponsible punctuation.

Why do you have so many darn opinions about books?
I’m writing one. I think about (excuse me) The Craft of Writing a great deal, and after marinading in criticism for four years of college I’ve lost any ability I had to read a book without analyzing it as I go. As I try to become a less terrible writer, I find it relevant to try and figure out what makes books work and what makes them fail spectacularly. As I try to become a more open-minded reader, I find it relevant to try and figure out why something is appealing and works for a lot of people even if it’s not to my tastes.

Also, I play host to a gossip demon. Got to satiate its lusts somehow–better to do so with fictional characters and faraway authors, rather than individuals “IRL,” as they say.

You sure read a lot of fantasy.
I really like fantasy. I like a lot of books that aren’t fantasy, too, or books with fantastic elements  on the distant outskirts of the genre–Salman Rushdie’s my favorite author and I’d argue that he lives there–but fantasy is…There’s so much of it. And much of that is bad, but even what’s bad is exciting? Those of us with nascent god complexes like fiction because it allows us to be temporarily omnipotent. You can write literally anything and make literally anything happen; fantasy takes that and runs with it.

…or it should. Fantasy has a tendency to get stuck in weird ruts, which is bothersome, and one of the things I’ll probably condemn more than once around here. Fantasy is the genre I’ve written in the most, and thus considered most often, so I’m far pickier about fantasy novels than any other kind. I thought about fantasy so much my own fantasy novel is horribly meta now. Whoops.

It bears mentioning that fantasy is also great because fantasy authors almost always seem really excited about their stories. They may not be able to write worth a damn, but they give one. Doubt thou the prose is decent, doubt thou the world’s not dumb, spot references as recent, but, etc.

No one asked for your opinion, yo.
I know. Sorry.

I sense that in the future you are going to reference a Blog Pact. What is that?
That is the oath of the fellowship to which I belong; nine people who have vowed to blog once a week come hell or high water.  Failure to do so results in punishment of the whole group. We ride together, we die together. You can find some of them around & about.

Does the fact that you’re writing a stupid book mean that you’re going to talk about it all the time?
Beg your pardon. That’s Terriblebook to you. …Yes, Terriblebook is what I call it, it still has no title. Its sequel is Terriblebook the Second. And no, I’m not going to talk about it all the time, though I might mention it now and again. Probably in contexts like “The dialogue tags in this book really suck, but considering how much I’ve struggled with that writing Terriblebook, I feel like a wretched hypocrite harping on it too much.” All one needs to know to understand a reference to it: it’s fantasy, it’s meta, its protagonist is an asshole, I’m editing it, I don’t think it’s that good but I am trying to make it better.

Are we done here? 
Yep.

Stay tuned for a post that’s not all about me. It’ll be all about Kvothe instead! If you don’t know who Kvothe is, rest assured: Everything is all about Kvothe.

THE KINGKILLER CHRONICLES
in which the name of the wind is never transcribed, a wise man is hard to find, and the king hasn’t so much as stubbed his toe
but STUDENT LOANS ARE OWED
THEY ARE OWED MOST DREADFULLY

Imagine me bowing politely, OK?

Yours,
E.